What do we all really want anyway?

I had a hair appointment the other day, and my hairdresser was dying to hear about the latest dating stories - he had to pour us some more mimosas before I began. My latest date had to be one of the worst - like THE worst. It was with a certified omelet flipper - and for the record I actually thought that he was joking and didn't want to tell me what he did. He wasn't joking.

As the date progressed, it was over in so many way. All the don'ts were hit and even some don'ts that I had no idea even existed happened. So lets have a bulleted list of the evenings events:

• He was 45 minutes late due to his car running out of gas
• He made it by his roommate dropping him off because he "had to get to this date"
• He Ordered a beer
  
• My seat sat higher than his seat and he continually asked me how tall I was and he wanted to move outside to the patio
• He Ordered a glass of wine
  
• Moved to the outside patio and proceeded and wanting to sit outside in the monsoon
• He Ordered a glass of wine
• He asked me what I drove and then told me I was materialistic due to owning a German engineered car
• He ordered a glass of wine
  
• I finally told him I was tired of sitting in the rain and can we go back in
• He ordered a glass of wine
• I told him I was hungry and if we could order dinner- it's been about an hour and a half now
• He told me he had already eaten which confused me because we were meeting for dinner
• He ordered a glass of wine
• I ordered macaroni and cheese
• He ordered a glass of wine
• His roommate calls wanting to pick him because he wants to go to bed
• He comes back asking if I will drive him home clear across town - I say no and his roommate can come get him
• He says that he will stay at my house then
• I say no
• He says he will sleep on the floor
• I say no
• He calls him roommate back and his roommate says he will pick him up later
• I just want to go home
  
• He then tells me how great cycling is, he bikes everywhere and if a girl has an issue that he doesn't have a car she's selfish
• I tell him I have an issue with a guy not owning a car
• He orders a glass of wine
• I explain that I want to be treated like a lady including being picked up for a date, and doors opened
• He says he's thought I was about quality
• I say that I am but that chivalry is far from dead
• He orders a glass of wine
• He tells me he just got out of an abusive marriage that he ran away from
• He reaches over and steals a bit of my macaroni and cheese
• I lose my appetite
• He tells me he would bike to my house and he could shower then we could go for a date - in my car but he would drive - my car
• I begin daydreaming about running from the building screaming, getting in to my car and never look back
• He orders a glass of wine
• He asks me if I want to half the check - I say that I will pay for my one drink and food if he likes - he says no and pays
• He goes to the bathroom - and all I want to do is run away very fast

I won't bother with any of the other comments or crudeness that makes this date one of the worst and in case you lost track that was 1 beer and 9 glasses of wine in a 2 hour period.

Follow up: He called me an hour later saying what a great time he had. Then asked my age again, told me I was old and how come I didn't have any kids - BTW I'm 27.

Follow follow up: He Myspace messaged me 4 hours later telling me that even though there wasn't a connection he hopped that I would still consider using him for my company as a subconsultant.

Follow follow follow up: He texted me 8 hours later because I had not checked my Myspace and he wanted me to read his message so I did. I texted back saying I couldn't agree more about no connection and good luck to him. That spawned another 3 hours of him texting and calling me about liking me then not, and what if he couldn't ever buy anything expensive ever and what about me just supporting him through his rough time.......

Somehow I don't think this date needs explanation of what NOT to do. My one piece of advice is if you aren't over your wounded heart don't date and if you aren't secure in yourself find yourself then date.

Much love and happiness,
The L Grl

Online Dating Don'ts

So, I took a break from the online dating - life got a bit crazy and I just couldn't focus on it. But I returned just a few days ago and I am surprised at the messages - I mean, when did we become such a society of people that just have far too much word vomit?

And I'm not talking about the racy or sexual messages you get - cause people are just going to be like that - but the one's that are offensive without maybe them trying to be offensive?

Or maybe they are. I have learned over the years that men are far more sensitive than they would like us to believe and they are far more needy than they want us to believe either. I mean, I remember in high school where you were "clingy" if you wanted to talk every day or walk the halls together or whatever else. They were "too cool" to hang with you every day and now, it's like the tables have turned.

So, so far some of my favorite messages from guys.
"How is someone so beautiful still single?" Oh come on. Guys, there are 100 different things that you can message to a woman other than that - it's lame and I kind of get insulted. So - if I am still single then what? Somethings wrong with me? I'm like everyone else in the dating world trying to find their match - I haven't been so lucky with my choices but it's my nature to look at the positive and keep trying. However, if I have to write that to all of you - it gets old, boring and why in our first conversation do I need to tell you my personal life story?

See? What ever happened to talking about hobbies or what you do - or Twinkies - something!

Another favorite. "Oh, so your still trying aren't you?"
Uh, ya. And by you messaging me - it looks like you are "still at it too." So are you trying to offend me? Check. Make me mad? Check. Make me understand why you are still SINGLE? Check. Your a jerk - it's obvious. Don't message me that I'm still at it like it's the black plague that is about to consume a small village. If you are embarrassed about being on a dating site - delete your profile and good luck at the bars.

My last favorite. Your profile is a list of everything that you don't like, don't want and somehow you think you are so great that women will bow to your greatness for saying all that "honesty." Look alive. Your profile - should be positive. Should be about you and what you are looking for. Not what you don't want, that "if you have this or that don't message me", etc., etc. Don't be offended when you stay single "for another year" but can't figure out why.

No negative. All positive. If you send a sarcastic message expect one back - and don't get mad when that's what you get back. Don't ask why they are still single - and don't be offended when they message you back that "that's a bit cliche by now." If you have a picture with your shirt off - that's what you are going to attract - so don't list in your profile you aren't looking for a shallow girl.

Be real. Be funny. Have a heart.

My favorite profiles are one's that make me laugh to almost tears, that are so original that you have to just respond or that say something random - like "I have to eat chocolate in the bathtub so I won't get fat."

If you want real love - start being real.

Much love and happiness,
The L Grl

Be Honest with your Heart

When's the last time that you had a sit down and an all important talk with your heart?
Been awhile eh? I figured.

Being honest with yourself is difficult enough, throw in having to be honest with your heart and it isn't so easy. It is possible for your head and your heart to agree you just need to sit down and have a chat. One person I know goes as far as to have a date with themselves once a week.

I like that idea, date myself once a week. Really get to know myself because really, how else can you share your life with someone else if you don't really know yourself.

It took me a long time to be comfortable in my own skin and really know myself and just the other weekend I guess me and the opposite sex didn't see eye to eye. When I told him that I wasn't really sure about where I wanted to go with him or anyone and that I didn't plan that I just wanted to have fun and see what developed.

How he took it? Broke up with his girlfriend, called me to hang out and told me it was over, but kept the girlfriend at bay but kept me and figured I would be okay with it because I just wanted to enjoy my time. Uh, no.

Guys, release the safety net. Let go of the what if's and the ex's - go out on a a date with yourself. Figure out who you are and what you want and what you are capable of. Let go of "always being friends with my ex's" because again, you are hanging on the the past and not looking to the future. Being friends with your ex doesn't make you a great guy it makes you always have options. I'm not saying the be a jerk and never speak to them again but there are ways to be cool with your ex's without being friends - same goes for the female side.

So, I think this guy needs to date himself and be alone. He can't go out without dressing as a character - whether it's business, Scottsdale style, kickback style, rugged bike style - whatever he has to have a style. And pick out multiple outfits before choosing his final selection. Seriously, lets focus. Know yourself, know what you are capable of then date.

If you are in your 30's and you think that 6 months is a long time with someone and you are heart broken because you ended it - get over it. It was only 6 months, and not until you are in love, for years will you understand what love is and how beautiful it can be.

But if you aren't open to it, and don't even know who you are just character's playing a part - don't date and spend some much needed alone time.

Then, sit down with your heart and have an honest heart to heart with it. LOL!

Much love and happiness,
The L GRL

Love is a Chance worth taking - over and over again

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

- Captain Corelli's Mandolin. "Love is the beauty of the soul." --St. Augustine

Honesty.

Since when did we become a group of individuals where we could not hear someone being "honest?" We react in an emotional up roar of anger or hurt or sadness or however many other ways you can react poorly to someone just being HONEST.

I know we don't like to hear it, but in the dating world, that is just what happens. You win some and you lose some and you try some on for awhile and well, it just doesn't fit. So what? Move on, there are more than 6 billion people on this planet and survey shows that YES! you will find someone too!

But this whole honesty thing. Interesting. I once told a friend that I wish I could break up with a guy just to see how he handled himself. If he was an adult, and calm and normal - relatively speaking - I would want him back. If he blew up, went crazy, hacked your email, bad-mouthed you to the free world and blew up your phone - well that was just the side of him you never wanted to see again.

The way that people react in stunning or hurtful situations says a lot about someone's character. My personal favorite is when they go directly after you - like it's your fault you aren't interested in them. They say your cold or a very sad and lonely person, that you are in denial or what ever else they can say to hurt you - all because you were being HONEST and just not that interested.

Now, I LOVE the book He's just not that in to you. Where is the one for guys? Where is the one that when She just isn't that in to you.

Instead men get upset. They fly off the handle, be mean, say hateful things or take digs as to why you are on an online dating site - hello? They are on the same site.

I have had good reactions. Thanks for being honest, your cool for that. I have had the same. That's part of mature dating and handling things in a proper manner. Now, I'm glad that I learn sooner than later how someone handles hearing things they don't like. It makes it that much easier to tell them where the door is and to lose your number.

I wish there were a way to know how someone handles things like that. Until then, ladies we have to try, try again. Same with men, I am sure there have been a few angry and hurt women out there.

But we are dating, and all is fair in love and war right? We go out, get back online and try try again.

After all, there is someone out there for everyone and you are getting warmer and warmer, colder and then hot!

Much Love and Happiness,

The L GRL

Google

Google, Google, Google.

I always try and investigate before I really begin to date someone. Really find out if they are who they say they are. You want to have a level of trust, however you have to protect yourself.

Did you know that most court cases are public record including divorce and child custody cases? You can go to the county website and look up criminal cases, family court cases and many more. This will give you enough information about anyone and whether or not you should be dating them.

They own a house - or claim to? They have a foreclosure perhaps or not? Look up the county records on the house, see what's really happening.

Google their name, why not? You can even find driving records with infractions. These are the important things to know. Go to white pages and see what address's they have even lived at - there might be some random apartment they have that you never knew about.

How do I know all of this? I made the mistake of not Googling someone I dated until after the relationship ended badly. Once I researched I learned about the "real" terms of the divorce, the "real" terms of the custody battle, the "real" story with the repossessed car, the "real" story with the foreclosed house, the "real" story about everything. It wasn't the ex-wife's fault as what was claimed, it wasn't the ex-wife's fault that all of this was even going on.

I was naive to even get involved with someone that had their life in such turmoil - I was lied to in the beginning, I was told that there was no drama and everything was already handled. Which it wasn't. I should have been more careful, I should have done my homework and really taken the time to see if this person was who they said they were.

Whether it's online dating or meeting someone at a bar. Do you homework and protect yourself. There are many wonderful people out there but there are also very deceptive people as well. Know yourself and trust your instincts.

Much Love and Happiness,
The L Grl

Who doesn't have a crack?

I had dinner with a friend the other night. Frustrated at my love life and how I date the wrong guys and been on one too many boring dates. Dates that consist of hanging out at their place, dinner at a chain restaurant or drinks somewhere. Where did we get so boring in our dates? The suns game first date was cool, but a little hard to talk. The brewery wasn't too bad, it was fun but nothing serious. Mini golf wasn't too bad either - at least it was creative than what I've had in the past - although still boring, still so normal.

I have told so many people my life, what I do, how I do it and whatever 20 questions they ask. I tell them about what I am looking for, why I'm single and any other things. I talk a lot about business, the entrepreneur's I date we could spend hours just talking business and overlooking learning about each other.

I actually had a refreshing "date" tonight, one with an entrepreneur like myself - we began getting on our high horses about business and then quickly caught ourselves laughing at how boring we were. We talked about other things the remainder of the time. The new thing about this "date" is the fact we did it online via voice and camera chat. It was great. We decided that in our busy schedules we were tired of going on dates and losing an hour if it wasn't going to work out.

So we passed our first test of each other and are now meeting in person. We are actually going to take a walk in the park, how un-ordinary. I love it.

So back to the dinner with my friend. He told me that I needed to take a break, "find myself," stop attracting jerks, dating liars, and take a month off. I considered it, then I read an article from a woman wo spent 6 months and dated 100 guys before she found her one. That is why we are all here, to find the one that makes our world move and our hearts skip a beat. She re-inspired me. She didn't give up after a few bad experiences, and what she found was as she dated more and got more courage to tell men when she wasn't interested. And in the midst of finding the one - she found herself.

So, I'm not going to take time off. I'm a good and I am ready to find the one and in turn find myself. Love is the best and strongest thing that you can have in your life - so get out there and find it - and find yourself.

Much love and happiness,
The L Grl

"Love is the Greatest Refreshment in Life" - Picasso